Blast From The Past

Have you ever had those moments? The ones where you just want to go back to when you were younger, more carefree? Where life wasn't such a serious thing? Ever crave that feeling of nostalgia that makes that possible? Well, lately, I have. It's been hectic, lately, at my house. Moving out of my mother's house and into my father's has been hell. Basically, this was a phone conversation with my sister after I finally did the deed.

Megan: So are you still planning on working at the Pines this summer?
Me: Yeah.
Megan: Well, I hope you know how you're getting there, because you're not gonna embarrass me and mom with your shit.
Me: *click*

It's like, seriously? I'm embarrassing them? That's crap. I moved out because it was beginning to dawn on me that my mother and I are poison for each other. We can't go a full twenty four hours without fighting, which is just plain wrong. If I had stayed fully in contact with them, we would've either killed each other or embarrassed the hell out of ourselves. Not to mention Megan is probably going to start bitch rumors about me, because that's the kind of person she seems to have become. I mean, I love my sister. God knows that I can't help that. But that doesn't mean I have to like her. It's a common misconception. Just because they're family, and you have to love them as such, it does not mean that you have to like them. And, to be honest, sometimes I just want to kick her in the shin.

So now I'm living with my dad. He told me yesterday what Megan had said to him when she called, when she had found out that I was moving. We were trying to keep it a secret from my mother, because God only knows what she would've done if we hadn't. But when Megan found out, it was because I was an idiot and put my stupid letter to my mother on the arm of the chair I was sitting in. When she saw it, she picked it up and read it. Then she asked if I was moving. I decided not to lie.

Stupid, stupid move.

She then proceeded to call my father and tell him that he's an unfit parent and that he should know that, and that I should be living with him. I almost called her and bitched to her, because my father is a better man than the rest of my family makes him out to be. He's no longer the drugged up bastard who ditched his kids when they needed him most. He now is a man who gives a damn and will do whatever it takes to make life better for his children. I wanted to tell her that, slap her in the face, beat her until she understood that our father is not a bastard. But I couldn't. I couldn't yell at her, or hurt her. And I'll be damned if I ever get that angry ever again.

Now sometimes I wonder how I became the only person in my family to see that my father changed. I guess it's because I'm the only one who spent enough time with him. The only one who wanted to spend time with him. Megan was too selfish and engrossed in her own life to give a rat's ass about my father. She spent the weekends he decided to come, and was never affected by him skipping out. I always noticed. I couldn't help but notice. He was my father, and I loved him, and I wanted to see him. How she became so blind to the pain he caused is lost on me. I only forgave him because I saw him trying. I saw the effort he was putting into his parenting. So, I guess that's how I am different from everyone else. But their ignorance still pisses me off. It's almost painful... no, it is painful to hear them talk bad about my father, when he's been trying his best to be a better father.

And he is a better father.

Oh well, whatever. I'm out of my mother's house, and living with my father. I'm happy here. It's safe, and I get along better with the people I live with. Not to mention I have at least eight companions at all times. Granted, I can't talk to them... but they are fun to play with. I love all animals of the feline persuasion.

But when I spoke of going back to the past... it was silly me being random. I mean, I did, lately. That craving for nostalgia was so strong, and it only grew worse when none other than Megan showed me the Evolution of Dance video on YouTube. I couldn't help but think of how funny it was. And the music that the guy used had me wondering: Why haven't I listened to this stuff lately? It had been so long since I listened to the Backstreet Boys or N*Sync, I decided to look up some of their stuff. Now (and I damn it to hell) I can't stop listening to them. I have Larger Than Life constantly stuck in my head, as well as Bye, Bye, Bye. Not that I mind all the time. It used to be my favorite music. But then I discovered The Who and thought I was over the others. But now I find that I am wrong.

As I listened to their songs (and it didn't matter what it was: popular songs, not so popular songs, etc.) I realized I still knew pretty much all of the words. And when Bringin' Da Noise from the No Strings Attached album came on, I had another flashback, almost immediately, to the old Disney Channel Movies. Y'know, like Smart House and Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century? Well, this particular memory was tied to The Other Me. I loved that movie, and was surprised at how long it had been since I'd seen, let alone thought, about it. So, I then looked that movie up on YouTube, and lo and behold, there were some clips from it. I was so excited, I nearly had a heart attack. It had the scene I loved, that featured the aforementioned N*Sync song, so I was incredibly happy. That made the nostalgia craving die down, and I've been pretty much sated since. Except, I can't freaking get Larger Than Life out of my head.

06/08/08
Amanda