Good News and Bad News

Have you ever noticed, that when it comes to news, you can't have the good without the bad. It's like going into the doctor's office for a mammogram, and you have a few calcium deposits. Thank God it's not cancer, right? Well, the doctor calls you a couple days later, informing you that, all though you do not have breast cancer, they noticed something odd in your blood tests. After extensive testing, they learn that you have some other, more heinous disease. It's curable, but it sucks because you had no idea. You'd rather have the breast cancer.

I'm having those moments a lot lately.

Good news: I'm officially an aunt to a beautiful baby boy.
Bad news: I still haven't met him after three weeks.

Good news: I'm going to my classes, learning instead of vegging out on the couch all day.
Bad news: I don't understand a damn thing I'm being taught.

Good news: I've finally fessed up to Lars about how I felt for him.
Bad news: As I expected, he doesn't feel the same way.

But that's OK, right? I mean, this kind of thing happens everyday. Problem with it is, I'm sick as hell and it's all because I'm stressed. I wish I could make some of it a little easier, but it's all a matter of faith.

And seriously, what's faith without a God to put it in. I've yet to forget about the Man I spent my entire summer serving. I pray every night, try my damnedest not to forget that I'm here, on this planet, to live for Him. And I'm doing my best. But I don't think my best is enough anymore. I'm so tired of fighting for something that isn't there to help me every time I ask for it. But then again... He's not supposed to be there helping me every step of the way. He isn't that kind of God.

My Development of Modern Christian Thought course is teaching me a lot about Him, and the ways that past Christians believed He worked. I still have not a clue as to what any of it means, but I'm working on it. Now I'm doing a project on C.S. Lewis, and learning more about my faith than I care to admit. It's much too much for me to write down, type down, or whatever.

Basically, my life is going the way I wanted it to, but I'm not really getting to enjoy it. I'm doing everything right, but not reaping benefits that I was sure would be the result of hard work and determination.

My dad and mom said they'd never lie to me... why do I feel like I've been betrayed?