A Pilgrim Pines State of Mind

Alright, so I'm finally at camp, which is an absolutely wonderful thing. I couldn't be any happier than I am at this very moment. This place is my Disney World. And the greatest thing: I'm completely on my own... getting paid for being happy. I work in the kitchen, which is kind of draining, but a shower and an hour long nap, and I'm happy again. I mean, seriously. Patrick, Albie, Hannah A, Hannah B, Gina, Carolyn, Mary... so many familiar faces have returned, and I feel right at home with them all here. But the new faces are who make it completely worth the while. Hannah J (yes, I know, a lot of Hannahs), Amy, Sarah, and so many others are just wonderful people. I've bonded so well with everyone already, and it's just an amazing feeling.

But that's not why I'm blogging today. It was something that happened today, on my day off. Something that had me on the verge of tears. It was shortly after breakfast, and I had to go to a silly little meeting for food service. Afterwards, I went back to the lodge, where child care was taking place. I wasn't planning on going in, and my urge to do so was lessened further by the incessant screaming of one of the children. I thought she was just fussing because one of the boys took her toy. But then I heard it: "MOMMY!" I almost ran right in there, but I saw Hannah A, one of my bosses, taking care of it. However, fifteen minutes later, she came out, and the girl was still screaming as she shut the door. It was breaking my heart, and I hated that the girl felt that way because she was missing her mom. So, instead of avoiding the child like she was the plague, I went in and immediately walked over to her.

I knelt down behind her, and started trying to comfort her. I ran my hand along her back, like you would a baby when they cry, and said absolutely nothing. Then, five, maybe ten minutes (I lost track of time) later, I asked her if she wanted a hug... and I was floored. She turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck. She was still sniffling and crying a little bit, but the sobs were fewer and far between. I picked her up and sat on the couch with her in my lap. Every time Sarah, one of the girls in child care, opened the door, Jessi (the little girl I was holding) would turn and check: obviously looking to see if it was her mother. It was breaking my heart to see her so desperate to see her mom. I kept rubbing her back reassuringly, trying to keep her relaxed, because I didn't want her to start crying again. When I checked her face for signs of tears fifteen minutes later, I realized the most incredible thing: she had fallen asleep.

A little later on, I tried to lay her down on the couch, but she latched her arms around my neck in a death grip, so I decided to just let her stay in my lap. For about an hour I sat on that couch, Jessi sleeping in my lap, I myself beginning to nod off due to the exhaustion I was feeling from working three days in a row. I didn't fall asleep, but I came close. But what surprised me even more that I was ready to cry. I was so emotionally overwhelmed by the fact that I was able to successfully comfort a child into a quiet slumber. As I type this, I feel the same thing. My eyes are burning, and the tears are welling up. But, I won't cry. Dinner is soon! I just... I love the feeling that I got when she warmed up to me. And Sarah and Krista (the other girl in child care), kept reminding me of that. I think I should talk to someone about it, but I probably won't. I'm not vain about it... I'm just so proud. My heart swelled for the first time since last summer.

I'm finally happy again.