So You Had A Bad Day

Okay, this was officially the best day of my life (haha, fooled ya with the title, didn't I). I went shopping with Jordi for her dress, and we found it. Oh boy, did we find it. She looked incredible in the dress she chose. In the store, we weren't expecting to find the one she wanted, but her sister went around the store, and lo and behold, there's the dress, hidden in the wrong section. It was the only dress like that, and when she tried it on, it was too big, but just small enough to be brought in to fit her 4'10" frame. She's going to look incredible, and just the sight of her brought her sister to tears (and almost her mom). I think the most amazing thing about the whole day wasn't just that we found HER dress, but we found the Maid of Honor's dress and the bridesmaids' dresses. The best part: I didn't have to pay a dime. I was willing to, and was going to, but then Jordi's dad said I didn't have to pay them back. I'm probably still going to, just because 115 bucks is a lot to spend on a dress. I have a job, so that's a possibility.

The weirdest part of today was how comfortable I felt around Jordi and her family. I'd been talking to her sister, Jen, online for awhile, but never actually expected to meet her... even after her sister asked me to be a bridesmaid. I actually wasn't expecting to meet her until the wedding, one year from next month. The funniest part was when we started talking about Danny Phantom. I was begging her for spoilers about her series of DP fics, and was so excited when she actually started spilling. It was incredible, because she just satisfied my inability to have the least bit of patience when it comes to reading a series of fics if nineteen of them aren't even close to being written yet.

That brings me to my newest story, Pride & Punishment. Hot damn, it's a frickin' miracle that story is on fanfiction.net. I was writing it all of last week and part of this week, intent on finishing it for my friend Jodie before I sploded! Well, long story short, I got up two hours early just to finish the effing thing on Monday, and expected it to be hated for being out-of-character, rushed, stupid... anything you can think of. Turns out it was the best thing I've written... ever. It figures CSI: Miami is where I find my writing prowess.

I think I might be losing my mind as I type this. My friend is here with me, talking about what I was doing with Jordi today, and... I don't know, he's got me thinking about a lot of stuff that I can't post here, simply because it's just that personal. I mean... my past is my past, but this is my present. I can't simply let that get out there, especially when it can change. I mean, what I think now isn't necessarily how it's going to be in two weeks, two days... even two hours from now. Everything's changing around me, and I don't like it. It won't stop, and I'm trying to keep up, but it's not helping. My friends are changing, drifting away, making dumb mistakes that they could've avoided if they'd used their brains... it just sucks. My mom, though she's bringing me to New York, may only want me there because I have a laptop and she wants to buy tickets to the American Idol Concert Tour, which just happen to go on sale the weekend we're in New York. Go figure, huh?

I don't know, I'm just sick of being used and torn up. I feel like everything is too much for me at this point, and I don't know if I even want to go anywhere this weekend. I feel like just crawling into my bed at my dad's house and sleeping the month before I go to camp away. I want to spend my birthday partying, not sitting in a cramped car just to get to a place that smells like horse excriment and cigarette smoke. It's just disgusting. I love horses, don't get me wrong. I just don't think it's worth knowing that I'm being used by the woman who raised me. She subjects me to the weasling bull that her jerk boyfriend spews all the time, and I'm sick of it. Until that jerk is gone, I don't know if I want to be around her.

The revelations I have here never cease to amaze me. I never thought that I'd give up a chance to see David Cook in concert just because I'm ticked at my mother. I don't know if it's worth it, though, spending my days with a self righteous jackass who doesn't know how to say what's on his mind just because my mom needs his money. It has no legitimate point, in my opinion. Do you think that the Playboy Bunnies would stick it out with Hugh Hefner if he deprecated them and treated them like the scum of the earth? No. He treats them with respect, despite what they do, because he believes it's art. It's his job to take care of these women like they're his daughters. He loves them. But my mother's boyfriend doesn't love her, makes her feel like she's dirt, and all she gets is an unknown monetary sum? It's just not right.

Okay, on a positive note, there is a really hot guy who calls Bingo... I hope they play Bingo tomorrow! :-P

05/14/08
Amanda